Why You Should Have Compassion for Yourself

What Self Compassion is Not

What do you think of when you hear ‘self compassion’? Do you think of a narcissist? Someone who thinks they can do no wrong?

A narcissist fails to acknowledge their shortcomings because if they do, they lose their ‘shield’. They think by not acknowledging their mistakes or shortcomings, no one will ever be able to hurt them.

Even if you’re not a narcissist, it is still difficult to admit our mistakes in our culture. In the USA, we walk a tightrope of being confident while not being boastful. Don’t you dare show any signs of weakness, but also don’t you dare think you’re perfect. No wonder people feel they need a shield to protect themselves!

None of us are perfect. Some of us are just better at ruses. However, if you have compassion for yourself and your shortcomings, you don’t need a ruse.

Measuring Self Worth

Have you felt bad about not accomplishing enough during quarantine?

Covid hasn’t left us with many ways to keep up the illusion of striving for more and being perfect. Meaning: we don’t feel very good about ourselves right now. How do we measure our self worth if our previous methods of feeling like enough have been stripped away? Do we write a novel? Learn a new language? How do we maximize quarantine?

Am I doing enough? Am I enough?

Asking ‘am I enough?’ is an irrelevant question.

You Are Enough

You will always be enough, whether you decide to learn a new language or binge watch Netflix for 5 months. Have some compassion for yourself!

Instead of saying “I should be more productive. I’m lazy and a terrible person for watching Netflix yet again” try, “this is a really hard time for everyone right now and I’m doing what I can to cope.”

You may be thinking, “yeah, well is watching Netflix for 5 months straight healthy? Shouldn’t I be more productive anyway?” 

You’re not going to feel better by judging yourself. So again, that’s an irrelevant question. Try being compassionate with yourself (not to be confused with feeling sorry for yourself).

That takes some of the pressure off, doesn’t it?

Maybe by taking some of the pressure off yourself, you’ll feel like learning something new. But maybe not. It doesn’t matter. 

This is an important time to be nice to yourself. Even when quarantine is over, if you want to keep watching Netflix, that’s also fine. If that’s what you want to do, you were probably going to do it anyway, so why willingly increase your suffering?

Stop judging yourself. There’s no right or wrong way to spend this time.

How Tidying and Life Goals Go Together

About a month before the KonMari craze, my husband picked up the Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up. At first I was confused by his choice, since our apartment is so small, we already have to be tidy by necessity. How could we be any more tidy?

I strongly encourage you to read it (watching the TV series doesn’t count!). Because her book is so succinct and free of clutter, it is hard to summarize how magical it is. You’ll just have to trust me on this 🙂

After going through everything in my apartment, I had 6 grocery bags of stuff to donate. SIX BAGS. That may not sound like much, but our apartment space is at a premium. We could fit a few extra people in our apartment for 6 bags worth of stuff!

It was so liberating to purge the clothes that plagued me- ones I bought on sale that were just a little off such as shoes that were just a little too tight. and pants that were a little too short. Yes I paid money for them, and for the longest time I held on to them because of that. But now, I am not haunted by my clothes. They were still invaluable because they taught me a lesson: don’t buy things you don’t really want just because they’re on sale

And now we’re getting to the part where it actually relates to my Etsy store: the items I was collecting without realizing I had a collection. Who knew I had a penchant for toothbrushes, tea tins, beads, and… pencil cases??

“No duh, Deidre,” you may think to yourself. We all know you are a 6 year old princess at heart who loves collecting shiny things. Yes, I love unicorns. Yes, I love cats. And about 50% of my clothes are a shade of pink. And now that I know myself, I can embrace it. Looking at all my stuff made me realize, “huh, so this is who I am,” and gave me so much self awareness. I love things that not only make me smile, but are also functional! (Such as toothbrushes, and you guessed it- pencil cases)

As you may have noticed, I now have a kawaii themed Etsy store with functional items. I absolutely love it! Who doesn’t feel happy after looking at a cute animal? Who doesn’t want accessories that express themselves? Which is why I do what I do now- functional cuteness. When you have limited space, you need to make everything you own count 🙂

Have you tried the KonMari method? What did you discover?