Redefining Confidence

Have you heard of power posing?

I will admit, I was skeptical at first. Had I known the book I checked out from the library was by the person behind power posing, I might not have given it a chance. 

My first reaction was “I have to read a whole book about putting my hands on my hips?!” 

Spoiler: it wasn’t all about putting your hands on your hips.

I originally checked it out because this is the summer of ‘me’, and Presence is all about being your best and boldest self. Here are my top three takeaways:

  1. Be sincere

Being sincere is a two parter! 

Part one: Be honest in your thoughts and your actions. 

You build a reputation with yourself. When you know you lie, exaggerate, have ulterior motives, withhold information, etc, it will subtly leak through your actions. And people can tell when you aren’t being sincere, even if they can’t quite put their finger on why something seems off. It’s a leftover survival instinct! If you are always sincere, your conviction and confidence will automatically shine through.

Part two: Be sincere when listening to people and withhold your judgements. 

You may have noticed how difficult it is to change someone’s mind on a topic such as say, politics. When discussing politics, are you listening just to change the other person’s mind, or are you listening to truly understand their point of view? Even if you think someone’s viewpoint is wrong, they will sense that you aren’t being truly ‘present’, and it will affect your ability to have a discussion with them.

Be honest, withhold judgement, and listen to both yourself and others.

  1. Think About When You are at Your Best

Think of a time when you felt ‘truly you’ and you were your best. What were the circumstances?

For me, I feel like my best self when taking care of my foster cats and kittens. I do what’s best for the cats and act decisively when I think they are sick. I pour so much love into my fosters, and have saved kittens that the humane society didn’t think would make it.

Since I believe strongly in what I’m doing, I am naturally confident about it. I don’t care if people think cats are aloof, feminine, mean, etc or if they think I’m a crazy cat lady. 

If you think about your best self before an interview or presentation, it will put you in the right mindset. You don’t have to practice public speaking or completely change who you are to be confident, you only have to feel passionate.

  1. Worry Less About What Other Think

We worry about what people think because they want them to like us, right? 

Ironically, worrying too much about it is like having your brain firing on too many cylinders at once, which makes you less effective and probably less likeable. How can you possibly be your best self when you’re analyzing different scenarios and everything that is being said and could be said in real time? My brain is frying just thinking about it! 

This knowledge has really helped me re-frame my interactions with others and helped me relax. I can only do the best I can do, and we all say something cringey at times.

Now that I know my best self will come through if I stop worrying about being my best self all the time, it has freed up so much mental energy! And for the times when I still get nervous, I know I have my Wonder Woman power pose to fall back on. Your mind follows your body’s actions, so you can trick yourself into thinking you are powerful, and it will help you relax. So starfish up!